Designing the Relationship Environment 

By Bea Fields of Five Star Leader Coaching and Training

The majority of human beings are aware of their longing for intimate relationships and the ability to be connected to others in a place which is authentic and true. The path in the direction of building relationships which make you feel alive does not involve changing other people or making demands or insisting that life is to be lived one way and not another. The journey of building intimate relationships begins with your willingness to clean your own house both literally and figuratively. It requires getting in touch with your true self and then deciding what you will do with your love and your vision of your life. The goal of this class is to provide you with an introduction to relationships, about building bridges not burning them, and it is about tapping into your consciousness to bring forth the very best in YOU!

As you begin to develop relationships in life, consider how you might answer these questions:

Where do you start the process of designing relationships which make you feel fully alive and loved?

In designing relationships which make you feel alive, a starting point will be to consider the following questions as they relate to how you are showing up in life. With all relationships, there is a period of “attraction,” meaning there will be reasons why people are drawn to you and others are not. By answering the following questions, you will be able to begin honing in on areas which may require focus and to discover what may actually be detracting from those relationships you most want to build.

How is your physical body affecting others?

Your physical body, the way you are dressed, your attitudes, talents, strengths, humor, and personality speak volumes to others. Are you showing up as crisp and confident, or unkempt and insecure? Are you boldly using your talents for the world to see or hiding in your home or office...afraid to be seen or heard? Are you frowning and angry, or smiling and happy? Are you physically fit, at the top of your game, and fully engaged...or not? The way you show up may just determine who wants to get close to you.

What feelings are others sensing from you?

Your feelings and emotions can create an amazing amount of energy when you walk into a room. What are others seeing and sensing and feeling when they are around you? Are you truly quiet, or are you quiet because you are pouting? Are you gregarious and outgoing, or are you talking loudly out of nervousness? Are you bringing "bad vibes" into the room because you have a chip on your shoulder or a frantic way of operating? If you bring negative energy into a room, you will attract negative energy from other people. If you bring compassion and warmth into a room that is just what you will get…compassion and warm relationships.

Who are you spending time with?

Our mothers and fathers often taught us "Be careful of the company you keep." When it comes to environmental design, this is something to consider. It is very possible to take on the habits and attitudes of those we spend the majority of our time with. If you are working on being more optimistic, and you are spending time with people who act like Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh ("It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and I am going to get sunburned,") chances are fairly good that you will take on this pessimistic view of life. Does a mental check of the people who you are spending time with, and ask yourself "Are these people making me feel alive, or are they draining the life from me?" Remember...People will label you according to who they see you spending time with, so choose relationships which match what you most want to attract.

When others walk into your physical space, what do they see or feel?

Is your physical space making you feel fully alive, or is it making you feel dead? Is it vibrating with colors, art work, and furnishings that you love, or is the look and feel of your home and office draining you the minute you step in the door? The look, feel, smells, and sounds of your physical space not only affect you, but they affect others. If you want to be attracting people who find joy and a feeling of being alive in a beautiful physical space, the place to begin is with your own home or office. Your goal with your physical space is to make you feel alive, and a huge part of this is related to “the events which happen in those spaces." If you want an intimate relationship with a romantic partner, your physical space will need to invite and encourage intimacy (quiet and private spaces which are comfortable and attractive.) If you want a home which supports great parties, you will want your home to be welcoming for guests. If children are a huge part of your relationship environment, you will definitely want to design spaces which are "kid friendly" (ditch the sharp corners and the breakables...please!) Do you value something you want others to share? If so, display photographs, books, accessories, and art pieces of scenes which express your true values.

As you begin to design your relationships, it will be important to first look at your total life design and what is going on in your life in connection to your relationships . . . you must acknowledge where you are today. This will involve looking closely at everything around you and what you are contributing or not contributing to the relationships in your life. From here, you will want to begin making changes in your environment in order to attract what you want (join a new organization of folks who you really admire, and this one step alone can shift your relationships quickly.) Begin today to redesign your life and your relationship to be in sync with your environment so that you attract those relationships which will bring out your very best.

About the Author:
Bea Fields is an Executive Coach and a Certified Guerrilla Marketing Coach. She is a Consultant, Trainer, Public Speaker and author of the Five Star Leader e-course.